Thin to me, and thin to everyone else

To me this is just the obvious thing to strive for. Right? This is the biggest problem. It's a conflict between, do I was to look good to me and have everyone else think I look "disgustingly thin," or do I want to look good to everyone else and when I look in the mirror think I look morbidly obese? It's not much of a choice because it's so hard to stop anyway.

Skiing today!!!

400 calories per hour!!! Thank god because my dad said he is going to force a bagel down my throat. :P

Hmmm...I can't loose weight.

I think I might have hit a plateau or something. I think after so much time my metabolism must have packed it's bags, because I'm not loosing ANYTHING. So, in turn I've been forcing myself to eat semi normally this weekend....and you know, it's really sad. Because where "eating normally" used to come easily a few years ago, I just can't bring myself to do it! I just don't want to eat, I would pick up a piece of bread and just be like: "Uh...no I don't need it" I guess this is the point when you know you're really sick.

Heyy

Hey guys, basically this is my outlook on my life and how Anorexia has effected it, and in someways ruined it. I don't know when this will end, but even when it does, nothing will ever be the same again. I have had Anorexia Nervosa for almost two years now. It started as a coping mechanism, something I could focus on during a hard family time, and it developed into an addiction that I couldn't control on my own, and I was hospitalized. I don't know if this is a recovery blog or a relapse blog, my mood changes from time to time. But anyway, this is my life. I am going to write nothing more or less then exactly what it is like to live day by day with an Eating disorder.

So, first post. Let's see how this goes shall we?

Height: 5'5
CW: 101 pounds
Goal Weight: 95