I can't describe how awful I've felt lately. I mean, Prozac has never let me to feel this way. I'm just not interested in anything. I just want to sleep. I'm cutting more then usual because I feel so awful about everything. The pain in my heart is back. And nothing has happened. Literally, nothing, I eat under 100 calories a day and I haven't lost any weight. I feel almost suicidal. I just don't want to wake up most of the time. Ugh. What's up with me. I want to weight 90 pounds, I only have three weeks to loose ten pounds.
Do you guy's ever feel like you're living a double life? I have really close friends who still think of me as a happy person, a musician, an honor student. That's how they define me. I can't comprehend that, because what would they do if they knew the truth? What if there happy friend turned to them and said: Oh yeah, I have Anorexia Nervosa. And OCD. And I cut myself. A lot. ("my cat" didn't attack me, I don't even have a cat!!!). Last month I didn't go to the movies with you guys because I cut my wrists so deep they thought it was attempted suicide (well, it was) and had to hang out at the hospital. I'm only happy because I'm on some serious anti-depressants. They make fun of EDs and prozac......everything I deal with everyday and they would never suspect. No, not Cal. Never Cal.
I'm sooooo tired right now. So I'm going to go to bed before I ramble on anymore. I'm going to get some posts with actual purpose up soon, promise. I hope you all are well!
I'm sorry things are so tough right now. Please talk to your doctor about your meds. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Please stay safe.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel and it's so weird you say that about your cat.....ive told people my most recent cut was from my friends cat...."oh it's deep" they say, if they only knew. and my life is always a double, everyone thinks im the sweet little innocent mommy....if they only knew . yes please stay safe your not alone xoxo
ReplyDeleteid kill to weigh what u do xoxo