Dizzy

I don't get it. I'm 5'4.5 I weigh about 100 pounds, I eat and average of 200 calories a day. I weigh too much, and eat too much for this to be happening. It was never like this before so why is it so bad now. I keep getting these dizzy spells where the world shifts around and I can't focus my eyes. I keep seeing these colorful dots, like you see when you stare at the sun for too long. Things don't feel quite real. I was walking to the bathroom from mt math class on Friday and it's like my mind went blank. I forgot what class I was in, I forgot where I was. I was just confused and it keeps happening, my mind goes into a dream state. I made a post like this earlier, this is just really freaking me out, I don't know what it wrong.

No one really was paying attention so...

I barely ate anything!!! I had 206 calories, and I biked for two hours, and walked Animal shelter dogs. Burned 1000 calories. My aunts here, it's great to see her again. We don't really have much family....or any family other than her and we only get to see her a couple times a year. I was one of those kids who grew up wishing for a grandparent, or some cousins. I was/am always jealous of my friends who have huge families and totally take it for granted.

I'm having Out of Body Experiences

For the past two weeks or so it's been happening more often than usual. I kinda feel like I'm floating above my body.....it's kinda like I'm awake but I feel like I'm dreaming, I can't distinguish the difference....I was done with all of my School work today, so I went for a 6 mile bike ride (I'm training for a cycling race) and then volunteered at the Animal Shelter. I still have an hour to kill before I have to go warn up my strings for the musical tonight so I'm probably gonna watch Weeds or something. Anyway, it happened again when I was riding my bike and I almost swerved into traffic. Totally freaked me out. I think I'm on the verge of fainting.

I had some strawberry's and honey for breakfast, (skipped lunch) and had a peanut butter toast (so I can hold up my violin tonight). I can't eat anymore today because my aunts staying over for the weekend and everyone is going to be watching to make sure I eat.

woot!!!

Breakfast- 1/2 a pear (25)
Lunch: a Cheese stick (?)
Dinner: Vegetable soup (30)

Yayyyyyy!!!! No Carbs, and under 200 calories! This is such a great week. I dropped two pounds!

I don't know why this made me so happy....

 

But maybe it will make you guy's smile too. :)

I Can

My life isn't on hold, it's just slightly muted.
I'm not going to worry about my parents and friends, they will never know.
I'm not going to worry about the consequences, there won't be any.

Just watch me Ana, I can have complete control and still be an honor student, an Artist, a Musician, an Overachiever. That's all this is anyway. I'm a Dietary overachiever. I can be light as a feather and still be who I am.

Busy Busy Busy

So busy trying to get schoolwork done for the end of the quarter. I'm signing up for summer college courses, and applying for summer jobs- fun fun fun. So excited. I started editing my second novel, so hopefully I'll publish it in 2012-ish. Or at least before I graduate from High School. The Musical premiered last Thursday, and honestly playing for this show is the most fun I've had in a while. I'm thinking that I'm going to apply for the youth orchestra in the city next year, I really love playing in an Orchestra setting. Hmmm. What else. In the past few weeks, I got into a relationship with a friend. Then I broke it off because I wanted him to stay my friend. He didn't take it well as first, but I think things are getting better now. It was sooo stressful though. It hurt him, and that was terrible.

I don't know what happened, but something triggered me- I mean REALLY triggered me. Maybe it was a mix of things, but I'm starting to feel just as motivated as I used to be and I'm trying so hard to hang onto that feeling. I've been lost without it.