Volunteering at the Soup Kitchen and Animal Shelter

Hey guys, Long time no post, sorry.

As I may have mentioned in other posts, I do a lot of volunteer work. My life feels like it's worth nothing. If I died tomorrow it wouldn't matter. So to cope with that I volunteer a lot. My life is worth 5 hours a week at the animal shelter, 3 hours a month at the soup kitchen, a large box of child's shoes for the children suffering from poverty in Guatemala, etc. That's my trying to weigh my life not in pounds, but in hours. It works sometimes. Working at the soup kitchen is life shaking. So many people lines up so they can have a cup of soup and some bread. Some of them you wouldn't even think would go there, and some extremely mentally ill. There were only 6 kids. I thought there were five because there was a little boy helping us serve, but then when we were done he ran over and sat next to his family to have dinner. It's funny, because while they struggle to have enough food, if I was given the dinner they had I would throw it out. Too many calories for me to handle. How sad is that? I felt awful. How much food have I wasted in the past years?

I think the only time I really seriously thought I had to recover was from the animal shelter. We get a lot of dogs from down south that are abused and neglected. The first time I met one was Nemo. He was only about two. His bones were sticking through his skin, it looked horrifying. But if I had seen that look on a human I might had envied them. And he was so scared of us, he wouldn't eat anything. They lied and said he would be fine, they didn't want to upset me. He died a few days later: "He was just too far gone." They said. How long before there saying that about me?