Guilt- Get it off of your shoulders

I'm sure all of you have done something for your ED that's made you feel so so so guilty right? Maybe for wasting food or lying to your parents? I hate lying to mine, I feel awful that I've put them through so much trouble and pain. A week or so after getting out of the hospital I decided that there was no way I could live without knowing my weight. I needed a scale- I was going insane. So one day I pretended that I was going to go volunteer at the local library after school (I use to volunteer there a lot). Instead I walked into town to CVS and I bought a scale using my lunch money. I hid it under my bed and they never found it. I relapsed and started loosing a lot of weight again, and they couldn't figure out how I was doing it. They decided that I probably found a way to weigh myself at school. It didn't even cross my mind that I would so blatantly disregard their trust. Every time I look at that scale I feel horrible about it. I have no way of getting rid of it, but I live everyday in terror that they will find it. I don't deserve for them to care about me. I don't deserve anything.